Case of the Ex

Everything I say. Everything I do. It's never good enough for you.
You drain me and drain my soul. It's exhausting. Trying to please you. But why? I don't need you. You've done nothing for me in the long run. Sure you've gotten me a few things, done a few favors. But I had no idea you expected so much in return. Can't you do something just to be nice? Just to see me smile? No. You hate my smile. You always have. And now I have to remember to hide my smile when I'm around you.

And just when I think you've accepted me, you chose something else. Something that no longer has anything to offer you. Something I tell myself every time that it can't compare to me.
Am I wrong? I used to be so cute to me. And now I'm nothing. Now I try so hard to be accepted. You've changed me. Made me into someone that must put others down, to raise myself. Made me into someone that envies what you prefer. And for what? I get nothing.

Why do I even try to gain your acceptance? If I had it, then what? Maybe I'm just in it for the satisfaction. Maybe I would feel like I can gain someone else's acceptance, too....

I always think, Well, maybe if this was different. Maybe if I was just a little taller... Maybe...
Maybe I should blame myself. Maybe I should not judge myself through your eyes. Who are you, anyway? Why do you get to decide right from wrong, good from bad. Beautiful from ugly?

So what do I do?
I just convert intangible pain into physical pain. It's what I do best, anyway.... right?