(By my mother)
Dec. 4th, 2006
You talk about being depressed you should waslk in my shoes. You still don't get anything I've told you or writen to you. (1)
(2)You don't take your notebook/binder to school. I told you clearly to show me your class work everyday and you still defy me and do what you want so I think you need to move with your father (3)
(4) The world does not revolve around you. You are NOT a queen or princess.
(5) Shawn ["Jay-Z" Carter] is NOT going to save you
So shape up NOW or ship out
_______________________________________My response:___________________________________
(1) She wrote be meaningless essays, PLEASE!
(2) this was only the second school day that I had to start going to all my classes, she exaggerated way too much
(3) I asked if I could, and she said no... figures
(4) LMAO... She seriously thinks that when I write Hovita the Queen, that I REALLY believe I rule all???? Stupid
(5) [I answer this in what Im about to say, there'll be a * next to it]
Jesus Lord!
* I am a fan. I grew up on him. She acts like I have a shrine wher I praise him. Like I wrote a Jigga Testament. Like if I think he's GOD. If there's anyone I asked to save me, it really is God himself.
Yeah, so I'm an idealist. I daydream all the time and I like it that way. When reality gets to be too much, rather than do drugs or something else bad, I daydream. I take my mp3 player, go on the swings, and daydream for an hour.
That's not to say I believe it's going to happen. It's one of those "It would be so cool if..."
Stop the believeing that I'm psycho and think it's going to happen. (It's bad enough he, himself teases me and calls me Crazy... actually, it's funny, but whatever...) Of course, it's possible. But highly unlikely, I know. It's called a F A N T A S Y.
No sense in feeling like crap all day everyday. I take ME time a lot. It;s actually healthy. See these planets on my face? You're the cause for that.
You're such a drama queen. For real! I'm not a crininal. If I don't listen, let me learn the hard way. It my be hard for you to watch me fall, but no one said it would be easy. Just that it would be worth it. It's a journey. My life isn't boring, so I could say... I'm young, I'll make 1,000,000,000,000,000 more mistakes along the way. But the outcome should be good. I'll be a smarter, stronger person. Trust me, I'm NOT STUPID!
I'm sitting back, chillin. I know the outcome of what I do. I'm so testing you. You're failing your ass off. And I don't have a plan B so I'm still going 'till you get stronger and realize I'm not being waisted, I know exactly what I'm doing. Yeah, you say you got problems too. It's not like I'm asking for sympathy. I never ask for help. I'm a lot more laid back than you, and I fix what I can. You throw tantrums. That's the kind of parent you are. What kind am I? Smack the kid upseide the head and SHOW them how stupid they are. You scream and cry, Boo Hoo, I'm Too Nice To You. So stop it then. Yeah, I take advantage. The one thing that is precious to me is privacy. I need it bad. I'm 14 so I'm not life to you? Get out of here!
I take advantage, and I think, "well, maybe she'll realize that her ONE flaw as a parent is that she's a doormat with me. When she changes that, there won't be trust issues, 'cause then I'll have more respect.
Think I'm selfish? Think again. I'm testing you on purpose. You overcame never having love, but you can't be more tough with me?? I'm sorry, but I haven't fainted for not feeding myself, I don't have a baby bump, I didn't end up in the hospital for drug overdose, and in no way am I heading in that direction. Stop reading my diaries. Certain things I keep private and under my bed for a reason, and everything else I'll share with the world. So YOU. Shape up, or I'm shipping out.
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