He has a sense of humor!

Sometimes we plan, and God just laughs.

Not to be mean or anything. But we swear
"I'll always love you"
"I'll never leave you"
"I'm going to be a singer when I grow up"
"I'm never having kids"

But then they hardly ever turn out the way we thought, right?

Well, if you believe in fate, then everything happens for a reason. And everything is planned out for us. You meet certain people for a reason. Some stay in your life, and some go, even if you don't want them to leave.

But sooner or later, you'll realize why some stayed and why some didn't.

When you go through hell, you'll eventually learn a lesson. And when you're asked if you would change anything from your past, you'll reply, "No. I wouldn't change anything, because everything I went through made me who I am today"

And you'll mean it.

So sometimes, we make plans, and God laughs. Not because he's mean. He just has a sense of humor.

Life Goes On

[When I skipped school, i wrote (Mon. 11/9/06)]

The clouds are moving. I see. I notice. I'm sitting on the bleechers in Pelhem Bay Park. And I see it. We're moving. The Earth. This planet.

And there's planes flying, birds flying every which way. Before, I sat here, and looked at the moon. Now I look back, and see the sun. It seems like we're moving toward it. I'm facing the opposite way the clouds are going. It's going right. I'm going left.

The people walk the track, cars move. And kids are at school. My music plays, and plays. It doesn't know what is going on with me. That it's saving me. And the clouds don't know I'm watching. Earth doesn't care that I need Jazzy. People don't know who I am.

They're still living.

The earth is still moving.

Life goes on.

"You can't run away from pain, you gotta move towards it"

The cover on my journal reads: 'Walks towards the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind.' And it's true. You can'y run away from pain, you gotta move towards it. Move closer to get it over with soon. And then hopefully you'll be able to realize why it happened. You should treat every experience as something you learn from.

We get hurt all the time. And we hurt people too. We are still young. We'll make millions of more mistakes in the future. You don't stop loving someone when they mess up. You love them even more. Because they need it. You think people are evil? Everyone is good at heart. Somtimes they deceive you, but don't even know they've got a deeper problem.

Some people make the same mistakes over and over. They're not proud. Believe me. I've been on both sides. They are tired of it. And they probably feel unloved and alone.

Forgiveness is a big thing. You can't hold grudges. Help them. And keep loving them. Never stop loving.

You'd want the same for you, wouldn't you?

Hip Hoppers

Remember, when cam and dmx complained about Jay wearing flip flops? And they said that's not hip hop? Remember when I complained that Jay is too grown for that childish shit they playing? And everybody said I'm just on his dick.

So, I may be Riding Jay-Z's dick a little too hard, but he said:

"I don't have to put up a front or act a certain way all the time. I can smile, and I can have fun. I'm not gonna wear nike airs on a 200 foot yacht and its 400 degrees outside. im not gonna do it. I don't care. Im not walking around the city, muthafucka. Im not walking around the city in jeans and flip flops. Im not doing that either. But im not gonna be in st. Tropez... I had on the fuckin white linen with the purple lable pinstipe pants. Im gonna dress according to the weather. im not gonn wear a long t shirt down to my kneees and walk around the beachim not gonna wear that. And if that means im not hip hop, then im not hip hop. Fuck it. Im secure with who I am. I don't have nothing to prove. Im a man first"

And you know what? He is right. He is soooo right. People are so much influenced by Hip Hop. And I'm not going to go into complaining about degrading lyrics. I'm going to save that for another day. Today, I'm going to talk about something else.Young people look up to hip hop, for new trends and whatnot, right? Well, these cats in the game are all putting up a facade. They're all fake. Seriously? You're going to let your feet sweat in hot weather because showing your feet is "not hip hop" ? How ridiculous is that????

You're going to listen to dudes that talk about women like they are trash, contstantly contradict themselves, and just act stuppid alltogether, becuase they are trying to maintain a certain image? When are they going to realize that they have got young people looking up to them? When are they going to realize that they need to set examples, and fucking GROW UPAnd people with your "Stop Snitching" shirts need to stop. That's a rule that's for people who sell drugs, because you have to keep your mouth shut. Don't apply that to your daily life, unless you are really on the streets. If your boy got shot, you wouldn't say anything???? Even if you knew who did it?

But maybe that's a bad example, coz you guys aren't living a shitty life like that. You guys have it good, clean running water, Air conditioners, new shoes. You're not from the hood. Stop saying you are. And yes, that's another thing jay said....

So maybe I'm on his dick, but at least he's real. At least I recognize who I look up to, and I look up to him for the right reasons. At least he has good taste, and does what he wants.I mean, I don't follow trends, I really can honestly say that I don't.

But maybe ya'll don't even realize its a subliminal message. Maybe some of you really like wearing suspenders, but not really wearing it. But you can't lie, a lot of people just wear it because everyone else is, right?I'm not gonna get into that any further. Whatever. You do you. I just had to get that off my chest.

So I may have some trust issues....

Here it go, Ms. Sharpie, bitching
again. Yup...

For you low lifers that keep in
touch with my ex, leave me alone! He's
not my father! Stop reporting
everything I do to him! He's (Kind of) my friend. That's IT! Not
even...!

And anything I say to you, keep your
mouth shut. Then you get mad
when I confront you for having diarrhea through the mouth. *Cough Cough* you
know who you are.

And hello, Dumb - Ass, it is
gossip! You say it's not, but it is! You hear a rumor, and you go telling my
man, or anyone that I associate with about it, and then they get mad at me, you
are gossiping! Mind your own business! I would handle it myself if anything
comes up. It's not your problem! Why would you tell
anybody anything I said about myself? IT WAS MY BUSINESS!

And once again, you get mad when I say something
about it... But you keep doing it.

Instigators: Go
away. Please. Nobody wants you. Nobody cares. You go up to people and say
"They were talking madd shit about you" Who the hell is
"They?" But you're asked who "They" are, and you do
everything in your power not to give out any names "You know, those bitches
that be talking shit" We ask for a name, and you say "I don't want to
start any problems"

BITCH, you started the problem when
you came out your mouth. Who's
side are you on??? If you're not
going to tell somebody who's talking shit about them, don't come up and
instigate. Don't. It's pointless.